Duh Reel Me Ain’t 20

Sumeone wuz askin about duh real me. I gotta say that thu real me is me. I ain’t 20; i ain’t into anythin but trying to rite sum profound stuf in my blug even iv it’s about dem grevys and hypoerboles bee cause i figer thu everyday stuf are impertent. i says evuryday stufs are impurtant bee cause in duh litel things likes grevey and crumburry, yah kinda realise that the thingies that give yah joy is duh smallest stuf connected somehow to nice things likes thanksgivin. Like my grandma’s cookees, makes me happy and brings me duh memries ov happy kiddi hood.

Sumone also says why’d I rite this way? I says mey bees i wanna be free to express my opinions wid out thu flamin and hassel and all the dang nashunalists and megaloomaniacs who gets to thinkin that their country and peeoples are duh best when they ain’t. I wanna be free to say “they ain’t great” i wanna be free to say ” i thinks israel iz greater”. i wanna be free to bee me bee cause iv i am not me, there ain’t no use in bein phoney and bluggin and gettin worid about offendin peeoples. That iz why i getz to rite like this so that everyone wud be riting in english and evuryone wud kinda know what yam talkin about wid out thu hassel of bein diplowmatic bee cause i ain’t runnin fer public office.I wanna be free to says ” God bless the USA and Israel!!!!!!!”

I rite like this so i gets to be me and decides that i wanna say this or that – stuf that ofends peeoples like grevy sucks and i hates the anti-semitic peeoples and stuff that hasn’t havta be too mushy. So i ise saying it again ” I yam a zionist!” Lotsa peeoples have prublems wid that and seys i cud be offendin islammers. I also dislikes those who get to thinkin that theyse only one nashun that has heroes bee cause exporting dimistics iz heroism bee cause it ain’t.

Iv i invites yah here, also means that i likes yah and it ain’t a huge network so evuryone can be real friends and it ain’tjest like a networkin thingy.

I ise the real me and i ain’t 20. I don’t like thu fakes real me who says she’s 20 by thu way



Defunishuns

hypebole – iz when yah rites and makes a point by exxagerration. it ain’t to be taken liturally says my teechur. hypebole iz somethin like “yucky, axe stinks and they are all killurs” or sumthin like that. hypebole can also be like makin those cartuns. or sayin ” i could die for those pepperidde farm biskits” yah ain’t suposed to take hypebole seeriously, bee cause that iz why they calls it hyperbole.

metaphor- iz when you say sunthin like “i am a rock”.that doesnt mean you are a rock bee cause you are human. but that means youse are strong or sumthin like that. anuther exampul of a metaphor is “you’re my sunshine” like thu old song goes. that means that it makes yah happy to see de person like yah sees thu sunshine. get’s it?

simili – iz sumthin like a metaphor but it says “she is strong as a rock”. Or, “they’se are idiots like Forrest Gump!” or “Theyse are slithering as a snake” or ” theyse are lousey friends like an assortment of isacriots (judas).

i wuz gonna rite about alliterashuns too but then i think it goes sumthin like this :

stoopidity sows sumethin so sanguine as superficiality or sumthin like that…. get’s it?

I Loves Israel , Stuffs and Heroes

There are so many ov them countries and i love israel. I love Israel bee cause ya gotta hand it to them. They are nice peooples. They can also be nasty peoooples iv yah keeps annoyin and buderin their borders and bombing and enjurin their peooples. And they gotta rite to get mad at yah bee cause my momma says decent peooples ain’t suposed to do that in this cenchury.

I sees sum blogs here and sum peepols say they are heroes bee cause they are havin such a hard time goin away to sum country and leavin all their famly and momma behind but i say that dont makes yah a hero. i may be kinda stoopid but i knows what a hero is and that iz the peoples of israel bee cause they didnt evun have a land to start with. There wuz also this mad guy who formed a mob with the isslammics and the rowman cathlics durin that world war two and the chief of that mob was sumone called adolf hitlur. They went and kild and gassed more than six million jews all bee cause they were jews and they stole all the jewish stuff. That is called thu HOLOCAUST.

So i kinda got myself thinkin that iv i were to call sum peoples heroes, its gotta be the israelis bee cause they didn’t have aland and they waited so many years to get back at their land and they planted litel farms they called kibutz and turned the desert into sum kinda nice orchard farms. they didnt cop out and say ” i gotta leave israel bee cause i am poor and all that jazz and then call demselves heroes”. No. They went back to their land and toiled, toiled, toiled and when the land wuz nice, they built their own litel houses and helped each uder to make their own nation.

Then aftur the built their nation nice withtheir litel houses and litel farms, they were attacked all aroudn them by isslamics and sum arabs bee cause tehy wanted to grab the land aftur the peooples of israel worked on their homs and litel farms. Everyone in israel is member ov teh armed forces so theyse know how to defend their own land and I guess that makes them real heroes bee cause they didn’t leave their land anyways and they ain’t wimps.so i thinks in my mind what was all that stuff in otherblogs sayin they are heroes and they are sad and all that sad jazz when they left their land to get work outta there? that ain’t a hero.

peooples of israel are the only heroes i knows.

Cuntfused

My friend here at mulipliers says to me ” Hey, itz a globel site so Gump, you shud understand that sum peoples, they are awfelly sensitivs to sum stuff ya can says.” I went to momma to think. It is hard for me to think, but momma says it’s okay bee cause when i reads some great ritins here seems i am in thu rite group who also find it hard to think anyways.That was why i tells my momma “I love multipliers”. They kinda understend my shrimpin bizniss, theyse all seems all so nice sayin “I love you” and they talk in strange lenguajes which iz okay bee cause i talk strange too. Most ov all, every body in mulripliers seems to have an apinion onanythin which is purtty smart of them.
But makes me cuntfused tho when i sees a lot of %%%^&*!!!!! and big letters be cause sum one says that means that is like shoutin and i hates bein shouted at. I had enuff of shoutin at the army and the salvation army and that strange waco cult they called “god’s army” and i sees that the big letters mean shoutin, but they say peace be to you so it makes me cuntfused.
It makes me re member the CNN show where Chrstian Amapoor,that poor prutty chick, showed the world that there are lotsa “gods warriors” and dang armies. I gets to thinking that may bee bein global means that you gotta have sumthin to say about the army and i ain’t into armies bee cause the last time i was in the salvation army, the pants they donated had this grevy stains that made mu momma say ” gump, i says no more of that army! they give out trash and ya are jest too good for wearin trash me boy!”
That was when i says to me I wont be in any army bee cause they kinda giveaway trash anyways like those pants wid the grevy stains. So i gets to tinking if everybody at this multipliers is members of sum army, they must be wearin prutty stains on their clothes?Dunno but may bee thu armies do that like sum uniform or sumthin so they gets to kknow which army they bee long to.

I Hates Grevy

I hates grevy.Grevy is thuh thick soup you pour on top of the turkey on thanksgivin day and also christmass. I hates grevy because I am a crunburry person. I also hate grevy because I loose my appetites when i sees somethin like soupy poo that can make me vomits a lot. Grevy kills my appetite and makes the holidays suck.Grevy makes me thinks of thu toilet bawl and i cry because when I see the poo i remember the poor days when i momma couldn’t pay the plumbler.I hate grevy bee cause it takes away thu chikin taste on my KFC litel sandweech chikuns. Grevy makes me want to puke and that ain’t nice bee cause I would spoil my thankgivin suit.

I yam Forrest Gump, thu knockoff ov the Reel One..

Aftur figurin out what I gotta do with my life, I decidid that I cud take some ritin lesuns and teach you guys that I’se can be an exampel of an ordinary young man who can bee intrestin.Yah see, my ritin teechur always told me I wud maunt to nothin when it came to getttin an educashun.

So I was thinkin. It was hard to think. Finully, I said to me, “Hey, Forrest, yah gotta do somethin like haivin a multiply and say sum profound stuff.” Yah know profoud stuff is what the world nneds like yah gotta rite bout good things for the world. I was about to do sumthin like John Lennon and Imagine and the stuff about world peace but I sees sum blogger says “Screw world Peace, I Want a Pony”.So, I figerd that maybe we need ponies so we can have world peace and thu ponies and animals wud scare the bad guys with those carpits in their hairs. They blow up nice buildins and kills peoples.

But I dunno what I am gonna rite about yet in my frst blug, or what I gotta teach you in my frsst Englush lesuns. Somethin profound is somethin I havent figered out yet. Maybe sumone can help?